Invisible Trade
by Gerrie Lim |
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| The sub-title “High-class sex for sale in Singapore” doesn't, er, come close to summing up this book's revolving door of real-life characters. This could be set in any major city, but it’s doubly piquant because it’s going on in the Nanny State. From the bazooka-breasted cover photo, to the opening scene in which a Mongolian escort strangles her client with her denim-clad thighs as he get his rocks off, it’s a cracker. A no-names, no pack-drill expose of what the upper end of town’s getting up (and/or down) to between the hotel sheets. |
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Running a Hotel on the Roof
of the World
by Alec le Sueur |
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| Fawlty Towers goes to Tibet. Outrageous -but true-
tales from this expat hotelier who spent five years in conditions
that would be deplorable if they weren't so god-damned funny.
What a shitfight! |
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A Killing Smile
by Christopher G Moore |
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| A must-read for anyone who's ever been to Bangkok's
Thermae. Full of shipwrecked souls, gangsters, pimps, and diplomats
… just like most bars in Thailand. A good face-off between
an expat and a jealous husband neatly resolved. Watch your local
lavatory for his latest release. |
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Manila
by Purita Gonzalez |
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| No points for creativity in the title, but a
great read about pre-war Manila in which the Spanish colonials
lead enchanted lives in the grand homes that line the spotless
streets of Malate. No, this is not a work of fiction! The true
story of a young Filipina whose life is shattered by the Nips'
invasion and occupation, but you can't keep those Latin hormones
down. A good history lesson for those who knew nothing about
Manila before the Firehouse. |
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At Home in Asia
by Harold Stephens |
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| Invertebrate, sorry, inveterate travel writer
Stephens introduces us to a gallery of folks who've made Asia
their home. Most of them - be they Dutch photographers or Swiss
hoteliers - have created successful businesses or some sort
of name for themselves, and given a bit back as well. Lots of
tales of derring-do (better than doggy-doo!) on the high seas,
too. I'm just a little pissed off he didn't include yours truly. |
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The Big Mango
by Jake Needham |
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| The best book I've read all year. Young Jake's
descriptive writing gets a whole screenplay going in your head
as we track down the fate of the contents of the Bank of Vietnam's
vaults at the end of the war. The breathless action (no, not
that sort!) shifts between Bangkok and San Francisco, two cities
he knows well. A big finish. |
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The Quiet American
by Graham Green |
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| Never met one myself. Some nostalgic glimpses
of Old Saigon. A classic, but I didn't give it 5 stars because
Graham Green never reviewed one of my books yet. |
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Asian Loot
by Charles McDougald |
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| The most interesting book I've read in a long
time. Exhaustive research and compelling evidence as he nails
Yamashita hoarding looted treasurer worth billions. Then that
bastard Marcos comes along and gets his grubby hands on it,
burning a few expats in the process. Not even your Filipina
mistress could dream up a more complex plot of scandal and intrigue
than this. |
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Travelers Tales of Old Singapore
by Michael Wise |
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| I deducted points because all he did was photocopy
old books from the library. But: imagine River Valley road as
a swamp? Now it's million dollar apartments. Seventy travellers
tell us their Singapore experiences from the mid-1800s to early
1900s. Tigers and coolies and gin pahits aplenty. Just how life
should be. Also, True Tales of British India. Same, just a little
more curry and gin. |
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Ten Times the Price of a
Haircut
by Will LB Bogarde |
|
| Here's a guy with his priorities right, my good
friend Will, sadly recently deceased. He's made a career out
of being flown around the world by various government agencies,
putting in his 9-5 then hitting the bars and the bumpy company.
A humorous blend of basketcase economies and pussy in the style
of PJ O'Rourke. |
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War of the Running Dogs
by Noel Barber |
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| Not exactly hot-off-the-press this one, but for
a nostalgic dose of Malaya - and some feisty expats and colonials
resisting the commies - it's good stuff. Most interesting is
the way the chaps at Whitehall dealt with terrorism. Sniping
with a .303 suits me fine. |
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Tanamera
by Noel Barber |
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| Big enough to use as a day-bed, this one. What
can I say: I fell madly in lust with young Julie, the Chinese
lass in her tennis dress. Purists may say there are some historical
flaws in this pre-war tale of two trading houses because Brits
didn't retire in Singapore, but that's not the point. The definitive
treatment of war-time Singapore. |
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Murder in the Off-season
by Dave Warner |
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| About a football club's end-of-season trip to
Bali, which then goes horribly wrong. Nice and readable for
a chap like me with the attention span of a … now, where
was I again? Then all the pieces weave together like a Balinese
basket at the end, leaving you in admiration for the writer.
Great holiday beach reading. Bali as we remembered it before
those other cunts spoilt it for everyone. |
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Standard Deviations
by Karl Taro Greenfeld |
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| A booze-and-chemical-fueled romp through some
of our favourite Asian fleshpots by a Eurasian searching for
the meaning of life (#42 it was said in Hitchhikers Guide to
the Galaxy, but they never said in which bar!). Shades of Hunter
S Thompson and PJ O'Rourke at their gonzo best. Only thing is
this bastard is too good looking and got most of his pussy for
free. So I deducted one star. |
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John Nichol, Mariner: Life
and Adventures 1776-1801
by Tim Flannery |
|
| Reconstituted from the poorly written diaries
of a hardened Scottish seamen, but fascinating reading of a
world in which people were happy to jump on a ship and see where
it landed. 'A child of chance' he called himself. A worthwhile
read if only to be reassured that the good women of Canton have
been putting it out for the lads for a few centuries in return
for a fair price. The lucky bastard was also in charge of a
boatload of whores being taken from London to Sydney, as the
men there had no company. I would've arranged a convenient shipwreck
en route. |
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Insider's Singapore
by David Brazil |
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| From the man who brought you 'No money, no honey'.
He calls this 'the alternative city guide' and it is chock-full
of all the stuff the tour guides don't tell you because they
actually wouldn't know half this stuff themselves. Tirelessly
researched (much like his other book), young Brazil makes you
understand that Singapore is a lot more than just grey Housing
Development Board apartments: no, honestly. Fascination reading. |
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One Crowded Hour
by Tim Bowden |
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| The gutsiest combat cameraman in the Vietnam
stoush, Neil Davis led a short but action-packed life. This
is a very personal account, based on friendly interviews with
the author and unguarded, telling letters to his Aunt in Tasmania.
A unique perspective on the situation in 'Nam and Cambodia that
few would know of, in the days before journalists were officially
'embedded'. He was doing quite a bit of 'embedding' in Saigon
and Bangkok, too, until his untimely demise in a half-arsed
Thai coup. Better than Highways to a War because this is the
true story on which that is loosely based. |
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Nathaniel's Nutmeg
by Giles Milton |
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| Any bugger who can write 373 pages on the discovery
of nutmeg and keep you glued, is a better man than me, Gunga
Din. But this book is more than that … it's a popular history
of the spice race between the super powers of the day (the Brits
and the Dutch, with a bit of Portuguese thrown into the mix).
Lots of tales from the cesspit of Batavia (now known as the
cesspit of Jakarta). Makes you understand Indonesia better,
he said cryptically. |
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Only in Hong Kong
by Nury Vittachi |
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| Here's a man who loves his adopted city but is
not afraid to take the piss out of the many things that make
it such a great place for him. Everything from a potted history
(piss-potted in the case of many British governors), to incongruous
signs, to funny photos, and humorous lists of what makes Hong
Kong, Hong Kong. High-quality lavatory reading. |
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Holidays in Hell
by PJ O'Rourke |
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| Is this the funniest book ever written or had
I just been at the brandy snifter a little too zealously when
I read it? Deals with all the sybaritic hell-holes in the world
which were in a state of war, civil unrest or just plain had
no excuse for being so shitty. The chapters on Philippines and
Korea are a must-read for any Asia-phile. This is O'Rourke at
his best before he became too self-important and started actually
believing some of the shit he was writing. |
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Espresso with the Headhunters
by John Wassner |
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| A nice and easy armchair read as Mr Wassner journeys
through the jungles of Borneo with his coffee-maker in tow.
Lots of blowdarts but disappointingly few blowjobs. Longhouses
and long-drops aplenty. It'll be a while before Starbucks opens
a franchise here. |
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No Shitting in the Toilet
by Peter Moore |
|
| Young Mr Moore has a wit as dry as a Brunei beach
bar. He takes us on this perverse autopsy of travelling with
him, ruthlessly exposing the anatomy of travel. Full of tips
(such as how to avoid jet lag: 'avoid jets') lists of the worst
bus rides you can do in the world, the worst toilets, and so
on. Take the phone off the hook, grab a beer, and dive into
this. You won't want to leave home after that. Ever. |
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The Battle for Room Service
by Mark Lawson |
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| This book is subtitled 'journeys to all the safe
places' so it's the opposite of Holidays in Hell. Belgium, Eurodisney,
Milton Keynes and Switzerland come under his microscope with
often funny, often vitriolic results. Good eye for detail, and
he knows exactly when the champagne is not chilled to exactly
the right temperature. It's inhumane, really. |
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What's Your Name I'm Fine
Thank You
by Roger Beaumont |
|
| Based on a series of short articles written for
a Thai newspaper (well, an English newspaper in Thailand, really),
this is funny stuff. Young Beaumont sticks his scapel into anything
he might get a rise out of, the absurder the better. More irony
than a Chinese laundry. Acute (and not so cute) observations
of Bangkok and beyond. |
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My Wicked, Wicked Ways
by Errol Flynn |
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| The original swashbuckling swordsman, a role
model for the Colonel. Half the book is taken up with his formative
years in New Guinea (slave-trading, gold prospecting, wife-rooting),
and then onto the Philippines (cock-fighting and wife-rooting),
Hong Kong and Macao (gambling and rooting), IndoChina (more
rooting), then India (can't remember, but I think some rooting
was done there too). You have to admire the cur's resourcefulness
for making money and breaking hearts, even though he had more
than his fair share of both. Great fast-paced autobiography. |
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The Feng Shui Detective series
by Nury Vittachi |
|
| Young Nury has now built a literary-empire on
this character … a feng shui detective of all things. Hard
to explain, you just have to read it and reap the benefits of
the wisdom and humour. Nicely crafted and laced with laughter. |
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The Mekong
by Milton Osborne |
|
| This book treats a very dry subject with a great
amount of intrigue and personality. Very academic, but this
guy's lived on the river since 1959 and borrowed a lot of library
books on the subject too, so I reckon he knows what he's talking
about. the river's turbulent past and it's uncertain future
(sounds a bit like me!). Lots of interesting stories about colonial
explorers dying of malaria, and the rediscovery of Angkor Wat.
|
Asian Values, Western Dreams
by Greg Sheridan |
|
| This guy covers Asia for a major Aussie newspaper,
so has access to all the big names in Asian politics. It is
very much about socio-economics (er, whatever that is) and he
sometimes gets bogged down in overly serious analysis of the
political situation. But then he'll pull out a little anecdote
of an Indian guy pissing in the drain or a Filipino policeman
trying to sell his badge, which saves the day. |
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The Year of Living Dangerously
by Christopher Koch |
 |
| Made into a famous Oscar-winning movie, this deals
with the Soekarno/Soeharto conflict in Indonesia, 1965. Great
stuff. You can really feel yourself sitting in the bar with
the group of foreign correspondents, and feel their ups and
downs, tensions, and conflicts (sounds like everyday for me!)
|
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Highways to a War
by Christopher Koch |
|
| This is supposed to be part of a diptych (no,
not a dipstick) with his other book 'Out of Ireland' but I think
it's got a lot in common with '.Dangerously' - it's about combat
cameramen in Indochina in the mid-to-late 60's and brings back
colourful memories of 'those hotels' in Saigon, and the whole
futile Vietnam shitfight. |
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Dave Barry Does Japan
by Dave Barry |
|
| The man's not an expert - he parachuted in for
3 weeks on publisher's expenses and jetted out again. Mind you
this is probably 2 weeks more research than most of his projects.
However, he has the knack of capturing the essence of the quirky
Japanese better than anyone. A million laughs. |
| |
Max Danger - Adventures of an expat in
Tokyo
by Robert J Collins |
|
| This guy is an expert. He's lived in Tokyo for
a 100 years, as an expat, run various business associations,
etc, and takes the piss mercilessly. Max is our kind of guy,
running the fine line between hoodwinking head office and taking
care of himself. Bloody funny. If you like Nury Vittachi's HK-related
stuff, you'll love this. |
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Off the Rails in Phnom Penh
by Amrit Gilboa |
|
| The subtitle sucks you in. 'guns, girls and grass.'.
This is a real eye-opener to the fact that living in Cambodia
makes the rest of us look like we're living in Buckingham Palace
with The Queen Mum. This is the cowboy town of the new millenium
(and perhaps the next!). Tips on where to get huge bags of dope
for just $2, and where to get the best pussy in town for under
$5. Shame he spoils it all with his moralising editorial stance.
|
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No Money, No Honey
by David Brazil |
|
| A study of sex-for-sale in Singapore. And, contrary
to popular briefs, there is f***ing yards of it! Apart from
Orchard Towers, he points us in the direction of Geylang, Desker
Rd and a few other places where you gotta bring your own sawdust.
Funny, insightful, and more useful than the maps of the Merlion
provided by the Singapore Tourism Board. |
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The Kingdom of Make Believe
by Dean Barrett |
|
| I reckon Dean out-Clavell's James Clavell. he's
got such a feeling for the places he writes about (HK and Thailand
in this one). You'll fall in love with the leading lady (and
her mum), you'll wanna punch some of the losers in the bar on
the nose, you'll choke on the diesel fumes, and spew from the
cigarette smoke in the carpet of the bar. But you'll keep turning
the page till you find out how it ends. Brilliant! |
| |
Memoirs of a Bangkok Warrior
by Dean Barrett |
|
| The hi-jinks of those who never saw a bullet fired
in anger during the Vietnam War as they took care of logistics,
payroll, communications, etc from the relative safety of Bangkok.
The most danger they faced was in the bars at night! A good
lighthearted read that's lots of fun without ever really catching
fire. |
| |
The HK Joke Book, Only in Hong Kong.,
Travellers Tales
by Nury Vittachi |
|
| A funny man with his finger on the pulse of the
city he loves (to hate?). Astute observations, sly sideways
glances, a poke in the ribs, a merciless piss-take, but always
with a smile on his face. In 'Travellers Tales' he culls together
all the best stuff from around the region from his page in the
Far Eastern Economic Review (the only thing worth reading in
that mag!) |
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Sarong Party Girl series
by Jim Aitchison and Theseus Chan |
|
| A big hit in Singapore and Malaysia where the
phenomenon of the SPG (local lasses that literally wear sarongs
and skimpy g-strings and hang out with lascivious expats) is
well-entrenched (as it bloody well should be!). Loads of cartoons.
Dangerously accurate. You may even recognise yourself in there.
|
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| As I finish books, I will add
them to my reviews. However, if you want to add to any of the
above, or review any Asia-related book you've read, send it
in to me. It'll save me doing all the hard work. Ok, ladies,
in the spa. But don't splash my pages. |
